Rabbi Jacqueline Ninio - Yiskor

Rabbi Jacqueline Ninio

Sermon - Yiskor 2019

A poem by Merle Feld: Yiskor

It’s almost midnight

and I’m sitting here in the living room

keeping your yahrzeit candle company.

It’s so many years now

I closed my eyes to remember

something real about you

and you know what I thought of?
I saw you ironing-

it was his underwear!
When I was a girl I wondered if someday

I’d love someone enough to iron his underwear

Well I’ve been married 20 years

and I love him very much but I don’t iron his underwear

I don’t even turn it right side out

I don’t even fold it

I sort of stuff it in the drawer.

Truly I love him very much

but I still think what I thought when I was 11-

no one sees your underwear

I’m all grown up now

Completely grown up now

and still I don’t get it

no one sees your underwear

I’m not being critical

I’m not making fun

It’s just that we both have to face it

I’m a different kind of wife

You’re gone

and he’s gone

the ironing board is gone

All that remains is me

sitting in this chair

looking at the yahrzeit candle

remembering[1]

We gather now for yiskor and we are remembering. We remember the small moments, the little things, a smile, a touch, the idiosyncricies that marked those we loved as unique and special. Joel remembers the way his mother cleaned with her teal blue vacuum cleaner and her typewriter which punched holes where the lower case e should have been as she sent her letters and notes of news and love. Lenny remembers tomato sauce. Everything his father ate was always smothered with tomato sauce. Francine remembers the sunsets. The way her son would always gather everyone together and force them to stop just for a few moments to appreciate and enjoy the colours of the setting sun. Jonny remembers his father’s pens, always the same brand, the same colour, neatly arranged on his immaculate desk. Katie remembers the sunflowers tall and proud shining like the sun in neat rows at the front of her grandfather’s garden. Flora remembers socks, discarded every evening on the floor, carelessly thrust as far from the couch where her daughter lay all arms and legs, listening to her terrible music. Sammy remembers the smell of the 4-7-11 sprayed on handkerchiefs in his grandmother’s handbag.

We remember the little things, the small moments, the smells, the textures, the sounds that remind us of those we love and how we long to share them one more time. To feel their touch, to see their smiles, to be annoyed by the way they always had to arrive on time and could never be fashionably late, to be frustrated that they could not go past a flower without stopping to smell its scent, to have the argument about how we don’t have to yell to be heard on the phone. How we wish we could have another encounter where they tell us that we cannot leave the house wearing that, where they guide us in the baking of the family apple cake, when they tell the same joke they tell every year.  One more phone call, one more conversation, one more embrace, one more moment together.

Yiskor is our time for remembering, a chance to capture the memories, to draw them into our hearts and to bring those we love to sit beside us once more. To feel their presence, to be embraced by their essence, to be wrapped in their arms, drawing strength, comfort and love from their energy and pouring our light and love to them, clasping one another in a place of peace, a sanctuary of holiness and beauty, suspended in time, floating in a place where everything is possible, where we can encounter one another just for a few more moments together.

I invite you all now to come to that place with me, to close your eyes and imagine a doorway that you open and there, waiting for you, are the ones you are remembering today, bathed in light, shining with peace, radiating their love towards you. Gone are the struggles, the sufferings of illness, of decline, of failing strength. Gone is the pain of body or of spirit, freed from the constraints which maybe took their essence away even when their body remained. You see them in the fullness of their being, their most essential, authentic, beautiful self. And you greet them, embrace them, feel their love, support and presence with you and we sit together here and remember.

Remember the ordinary days, elevate those mundane moments with the beauty of memory. The way they walked, the way they looked at us, the way they ate, they sang, they talked. Remember the ironing, the shopping, the cleaning, the meals, the workday, the phone calls, the walks, the silences. Remember the small things that touched our hearts, the, at the time, seemingly insignificant details which now are the most sacred of all. Take a breath and remember

Remember the times of joy, the celebrations, the special moments filled with laughter and blessings. When we felt the giddy delight of being together. Maybe it was the first rush of love when you met your partner or child for the first time. Perhaps it was the thrill of connecting with a friend, creating a deep and lasting bond, feeling your lives entwining. Or a moment when you felt an overwhelming love for your parent, or grandparent, your family or friend. Stay with those feelings and allow them to wash over you, to feel deep in your soul, the connection, the love, the happiness of knowing them, being with them.

Remember now the times when they lifted you, when they brought you strength, peace, helped you believe in yourself, when they were there beside you as a comfort, a healing presence, a safe harbour in the storm. Maybe they brought you a gift or the gift was a squeeze of the hand, a look in their eye, a word, a thought.

Not all our memories are good and positive ones, take a moment now to remember the conflict and struggle, perhaps harsh words were spoken, there are times we regret, we wish we could change, they hurt us, we hurt them, we ask for forgiveness and we try to grant it in return.

Return now to the beautiful memories, the ones which make us smile, that bring us comfort. We feel gratitude for the blessings they brought to our lives, the ways they shaped us helped us to become who we are. We offer thanks for the gifts that their lives brought to ours and we know that in these sacred moments, they know, they know what they meant in our lives, they know how we feel and they too feel blessed.

And now is the time to speak with them, catch them up on what has been happening, say the words in our hearts that we want to say. We all longed for another moment to be together, the chance to have another conversation with them, this is our time to speak.

At yiskor we sit together and we remember and for a few moments we bring those we loved here. In this sacred space we can feel them, be with them once more. Allow time to stand still. Allow the music to wash over us and touch our souls and hold hands across eternity with those we love

May each of their memories forever be a blessing

Zichronam Livrecha